Aye, aye, Captain Obvious
by Mick Howell
Summary: Theon tells his family something important. Another spin-off of "Fawn"


ASOIAF: Modern!AU

Aye, aye, Captain Obvious!

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

Summary: Theon tells his family something important. Yet another spin-off of "Fawn".

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Supper time in the Greyjoy home had two varieties: it was either rowdy and loud, with Theon's family, save for a few, loudly—and quite often, drunkenly—retelling that day's exploits and laughing about it with mouths full of Mom's delicious home cooking. Or it could be quite, subdued, and full of tension. All it would take was one knocked over glass of whiskey while reaching for the salt or chewing too loudly and someone would be set off, thus triggering a giant screaming match between the family that usually left everyone stomping in the direction of their room or preferred sulking ground except for Mom, who'd usually just sigh sadly and go call her brother for moral support.

That was the Greyjoy family for you—their own matriarch had to call in moral support to get through an evening.

That's why Theon had Robb on speed-dial—not that he hadn't been before, but tonight Theon had decided to bring his phone down with him to dinner, so he'd be ready to call or text Robb ASAP if anything went wrong. It was a big risk considering Balon and Alannys' united front on the "no fucking cell phones at the fucking dinner table" policy. If someone caught him with it and ratted him out, a likely scenario, he's be forced to watch Balon or one of his brothers drop it in a glass of rum—Theon was going to need all the moral support he could get tonight.

That night, Alannys served up mackerel with salad—something only she, Asha, and Theon touched—and coleslaw. Of course, Theon's older male relatives and sister were quick to beat him to the good slices of meat, and they hardly left him any coleslaw when the bowl was somewhat reluctantly passed his way. At least there was plenty of salad, though. After everyone's plates were full, the mood was set for that evening's meal.

Maron loudly boasted the size of the fish he'd caught while out on the water that day. He had a picture on his phone to prove it, too. Aeron had taken one look at it and had scoffed, saying he'd caught a fish twice that size when he was even younger than Maron. Rodrik had made a crack about how hard to was to imagine that once Aeron had done anything besides sit on the beach and pray. Victarion and Mom almost simultaneously snapped for him to be more respectful since Aeron was a priest of the Drowned God and to be respected. Then it was Euron's turn to make a wise-crack, thus igniting Aeron's wrath.

Theon sat in the middle of the table, across from Asha and next to his mother, and sadly next to his brothers as well. He remained silent throughout most of the meal, until Rodrik reached over and stole the last of his mackerel and snidely commented on how quiet he had been.

It was as good a time as any to get it over with.

Theon set down his fork and heaved a sigh, mentally preparing for the worst—he'd already pre-packed a duffle bag in case he was disowned on the spot—and stood up. His family went dead silent and looked up at him confusedly.

"What're standing for, boy?" Balon asked gruffly, setting his fork down as well.

"I have something to say," Theon said.

"Well get on with it then." Maron snapped, bringing his glass of rum to his lips.

"Fine…I'm gay."

Maron did a spit take, spraying rum all over uncle Aeron, who glared at him furiously as he picked up a napkin and started wiping his face clean of liquor and spit. His brother was the only one to have such a reaction. The rest of his family simply stared up at him boredly.

"That's it?" Asha asked as she leisurely sipped at her own gin.

"Well…" Theon paused a moment, wondering briefly what the watery Hell was going on. "I'm also dating Robb Stark." He answered.

"Aye, aye, Captain Obvious." Rodrik said with an eye roll as he impaled a piece of mackerel on his plate and bit into it.

Theon stared at his family with befuddlement.

Alannys was smiling at him in that supportive, happy way she did when she was actually happy and not dealing with her chronic depression, Balon seemed agitated but no more than usual, Asha and Rodrik seemed downright bored with the topic, and his uncles Euron and Victarion seemed impassive. Only uncle Aeron gave him a scowl—no wonder since homosexuality wasn't exactly smiled upon by the Drowned God—and Maron who was gaping like that fish he caught earlier at him.

"You…You all knew already?" Theon asked hesitantly. Everyone just kind of shrugged.

"I knew when you were six, sweetling." Alannys said. Beside her, Balon muttered something about having lost hope when he was fifteen and caught him staring at one of Rodrik's friend's asses.

"I figured it out when you made friends with Stark." Asha stated matter-of-factly. "Same." Victarion said.

"Only an idiot couldn't see it." Euron said, knocking back a shot of whiskey.

All eyes went to Maron, who was still gaping like a fish.

"Am I the only one who really didn't know?" He asked.

"Of course not, Maron," Asha said. "Theon probably didn't even know until last week." Theon looked at her with surprise.

"How did you—!?"

Asha laughed.

"You and Stark are really loud." She said with a smirk.

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**A/N: I loved doing this one! I wanted to get some Greyjoy family stuff in here. I may take a crack at the Lannisters next. Or finally do this Payne family one that's been itching at me…**

**Anyways, still no name for the series as a whole, but please check out the other spin-offs of "Fawn" and "Fawn" itself. Please review and favorite, and if you'd like, shoot me some ideas for some more spin-offs. **

**Thanks for reading! **


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